What the… Dumbledore is gay

Blogwarts is shocked and stunned by the latest news, straight from the mouth of JK Rowling, that Albus Dumbledore is gay.

I don’t think “what” he was would have crossed most people’s minds at all, so to have it declared publicly is very surprising. However, it does rationalise why Dumbledore was friends with someone who was a sociopath.

Rowling revealed the twist at a reading at Carnegie Hall, New York, after which she invited questions from the audience. A young fan, who had no idea what she was starting, asked if Dumbledore had found true love and was answered with, “I always thought of Dumbledore as gay.”

Was Rowling just fed up with being asked about Dumbledore? Very possibly, but she clarified that the great wizard’s love was for Gellert Grindelwald, his ambitious childhood friend.

Now I see that Dumbledore’s “Love, Harry,” line in The Philosopher’s Stone makes all kinds of sense. Except that it doesn’t really, because it was love that blinded Dumbledore to dangerous leanings of a wicked wizard and led to the death of Dumbledore’s sister and eventually the battle for the Elder Wad, er, I mean Wand.

The Order of the Phoenix movie

Was that a mistake I spotted in The Order of the Phoenix movie? Though I never realised until I was reading The Deathly Hallows. There is a line in Hallows which states something like, “The scar on the back of his right hand started to burn,” but in the movie he writes his lines for Umbridge with his right hand, but the cuts appear on the back of his left hand.

Speaking of Umbridge, she was nowhere near toad-like enough as she needed to be. Otherwise this movie was good. One of the best things is that it was not too long. Yes, they cut a lot out (such as St Mungo’s), but it zipped along and didn’t get boring. So it gets the Blogwarts seal of approval; my favourite after The Prisoner of Azkaban.

Muggle postmen strike on wrong weekend

The Muggle Royal Mail’s post-delivering men, or “postmen” if you will, were in disarray today after going on strike on the wrong weekend.

They had planned to down tools during the release of book seven in the Harry Potter series, also known as the Weekend of the Dislocated Shoulder, when they would be required to walk the streets delivering books to people who gave their credit card numbers to Amazon.com.

However, the current inclement weather caused the strike to be brought forward to give the posties a break from the rain. The union official leading the revolt said, “It’s so grey and wet so I started the strike early. I forgot why we had set it for 21 July though. Now we will have to deliver the books after all.”

The official has now joined another protagonist known only as “JKR” under police protection after threats from colleagues.

Hogwarts buys new Wembley stadium

The world of sports and concerts was put out today when it was announced that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has bought the new Wembley stadium.

The recently built stadium will be put to use as the school’s new Quidditch arena to replace the creaking wooden stands currently used. A variety of tournaments will be held there, including the Quidditch World Cup and the National Portkey-Balancing Championships.

Being located in a suburb of London may cause difficulty in keeping the magical sport from Muggle eyes, so a variety of wizarding techniques will be employed to keep outsiders at bay, such as “ticketing” and “curtains”.

McGonagall is the sacred feminine

The bestselling Muggle author Dan Brown gave evidence at a special hearing today to support his theory that Professor Minerva McGonagall is in fact the sacred feminine. In his book, The Da Vinci Code, he references the gift of female power and has now spoken out to assert that the Professor — headmistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry — is the sacred feminine personified.

Bestselling author Dan Brown said, “Her ability to lead her young disciples on excursions to Hogsmeade clearly points to deity-like qualities. She can also prepare a meal for up to eight people and her sausage and bean melt is without peer.”

He added, “I, bestselling author Dan Brown, will chair a special meeting to discuss the clearly identifiable codes which litter McGonagall’s essay questions, if my Strictly Come Dancing judging commitments allow.”