Archive for July, 2007

Muggle postmen strike on wrong weekend

The Muggle Royal Mail’s post-delivering men, or “postmen” if you will, were in disarray today after going on strike on the wrong weekend.

They had planned to down tools during the release of book seven in the Harry Potter series, also known as the Weekend of the Dislocated Shoulder, when they would be required to walk the streets delivering books to people who gave their credit card numbers to Amazon.com.

However, the current inclement weather caused the strike to be brought forward to give the posties a break from the rain. The union official leading the revolt said, “It’s so grey and wet so I started the strike early. I forgot why we had set it for 21 July though. Now we will have to deliver the books after all.”

The official has now joined another protagonist known only as “JKR” under police protection after threats from colleagues.

Hogwarts buys new Wembley stadium

The world of sports and concerts was put out today when it was announced that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has bought the new Wembley stadium.

The recently built stadium will be put to use as the school’s new Quidditch arena to replace the creaking wooden stands currently used. A variety of tournaments will be held there, including the Quidditch World Cup and the National Portkey-Balancing Championships.

Being located in a suburb of London may cause difficulty in keeping the magical sport from Muggle eyes, so a variety of wizarding techniques will be employed to keep outsiders at bay, such as “ticketing” and “curtains”.